SHORT STORY: DEAREST TAIYE

By Ikegwuonu Juliet

              

DEAREST TAIYE

She reached blindly for her wrist watch. It was very early in the morning. The soft glow from the kerosene lamp lent a hypnotic air to the room. Her sister, Kosi, must've forgot to put it off before going to bed. She increased the wick length and padded softly to her study - a table and chair at the side of the room - one she shared grudgingly with her sister. Picking up her pen and a sheet of paper, she began to write:

Dearest Taiye, 

       As I write these words, "dearest Taiye," I stop to think once again, how fitting this ceremonial and cliche felicitation describes my relationship with you. Indeed, your steadfast-friendship means alot to me. Truly, you are my dearest friend in the world! 

      In response to your incoming letter, I write from my hometown, Igbo Ukwu. Already, at the insistence of my mother, I had left Abuja a week ago for the annual Umuabogho meeting. Apparently, attendance at these gatherings will lay the foundation for my own wedding - my conclusion is drawn from my mum's ecstasies. Meanwhile, I trust that your letter is sitting in my mailbox at Abuja pending my return. Sadly, I will not be back till another fortnight. However, like an expectant mother, I have taken the initiative to predict the content of your letter and respond accordingly. Therefore, the rest of this letter, shoots a shot at deciphering the subject matters in your incoming letter.  

        Recalling how you take pride in being unpredictable, I imagine you smiling mischievously, with a slight twitch at  your lips, and thereafter, plotting schemes to prove me wrong. Nonetheless, here's my guess at your letter content: my admission to Uniben; dieting; my writing journey; Olympics; Spanish tutorials; Ferdinand, and we. 

       Well, to confirm what you must have heard from Kehinde, yes you heard correctly, "I have been admitted into the University of Benin," one of the foremost African Universities. Yes, foremost, even better than your University of Ghana (laughter). If you're in doubt you can see the new ranking on the NUC website.  And for your information, the figures were not  manipulated - the ranking was awarded by the Commonwealth Tertiary Initiative (CTI) [not corrupt Nigerian government officials], based on factors such as:  school facilities, students performance, and staff to student ratio. You gertit?  If you ask me, I know that the pharmacy program is so tasking. But then, it's worth the name "Pharm. Doctor".

       Still on the topic of my admission, I fancy you muttering to yourself, "what good will this degree do me in this backward thinking country." Agreed: it is much appreciated in the 'forward thinking countries'. Thankfully, there's good news; Hope. In becoming a licensed and practicing pharmacist, I only need to keep abreast with contemporary developments and work smart; that way, opportunities are sure to come.

         Moving forward, I can vividly picture you, contemplating my food combination and exercise routine. For a pro-choice person like yourself, I beg to differ and err on the side of 'toxic fitness.'  Before you launch into a two hour tirade about body positivity and self confidence, I have leafed through the first chapter of the four hundred paged book you mailed to me on being body positive. Frankly, a stick thin supermodel with a career spanning twenty years, is in no position to teach plus sized individuals about body positivity. Consequently, having fat friends doesn't suffice in understanding how self conscious fat people are: their looks, and people's manner of approach to them. In summary, my verdict concerning dieting equals, do what works best for you - "each mallam to his kettle." 

           Progressive predictions? Here's me hoping that I know you well enough. Item three; the just concluded Olympics ( a summary of the inability of our dear beloved country to pay for the athletes kit, the last minute preparations of the Nigerian Olympics Committee and any other way you think corruption has hindered our performance) after which you will give a sassy remark on my inability to appreciate any sports other than football and somehow manage to relate it with Neo-Colonialism. I still think the world will one day crucify your history teacher for ever introducing that topic in class. I mean, it wasn't even part of the course work. 

          At this point you will ask about my novel which was published online some few months ago. So far so good, it's going well. Though, at some point, there has been low traffic on my page. And to think that by now, I should have  attracted lots of positive attention because, I mean, social segregation is a topic that affects everybody. Obviously, I was wrong. Last week, Ade informed me that my daily viewing should not be less than five hundred, so as to qualify for the young writers contest. Presently, my back is against the wall; I seem not to be anywhere near the summit. Still very optimistic, my roommate, Chuka, advised me to switch to writing on entertainment as it attracts millennials by the drives. She also gave me some other tips to boost traffic. The tips are in themselves, cumbersome ( let me spare you the details), but, I'm willing to try.

 

        Next, you're going to say something witty about my Spanish course in Duolingo. Basically, I can converse in Spanish to save my soul, moreover, I have gotten the rudimentary greetings down to a tee.  Mr Busayo, our principal would say, 'the world is always ready to assist those who greet politely.'

         Finally, we come to the heart of the matter; Ferdinand. Ignore all what Kehinde must have said to you, that little parrot. No, we haven't broken up because we were never dating or at least no proposal has been made yet. "Would I have wanted him to ask me out?" Yes and no. Yes because, it is flattering and will serve to boost my ego - I really do like him. No because, I am suspicious of Nigerians with an English first name and surname; it sounds foreign; non-African. But the suspicion is not confounded and so far I have not been given a reason to doubt my stance. Second, I fear it will be a rather complicated and not-to-excellent relationship. Last we spoke, you asked me to list out qualities I would want in a boyfriend. After giving it a lot of thought, I realized that the two qualities I really admire in a guy is kindness and reliability. So I want someone who is kind and reliable. Believe me, It is a potent aphrodisiac. I have come to learn the difference between kindness and pity. Kindness is not what we see in church on Sundays. When the priest will bring a widow or an orphan to the pulpit, he/she will then narrate his/her ordeal in tears and a bit of drama. And after much pleading and persuasion, a well dressed man (usually dressed in white senator) will then come forward and volunteer to take of the person. And then, the priest will extoll the uncountable virtues of the man backing it up with Bible quotations and with whole church clapping and congratulating the donor for his generosity. No, real kindness is an act done without persuasion without public acknowledgement, without a thought to yourself. Real kindness is done without regards to the receiver's social status. Real kindness comes out of its own volition because it can't or refuses to see any other option. Some are innately kind, some need to have pity before kindness can be extended. I think the thought of being superior to others enables people to show kindness. And reliability is highly underrated in a relationship. More often than not, it is only appreciated in service delivery and work related situations.

      Ferdinand Arthur is Mr kindness and reliability rolled into one. These virtues make him very mature. The fact that he is also handsome, rich and tall is an added advantage. So yes, I would like him to ask me out; to which off course, my answer will be yes. And if he doesn't, I can always ask him out - it will be a novel experience and I can't wait.

Having dispensed with the major topic of discussion, you will at this juncture remember my other friends; your family members, do send my warmest regards to everyone. Well, just so you know: Kasim is requesting the return of his baseball cap; the red cap you took home last summer. Also, Kosi politely asked me to remind you of the novel you promised to send to her. I believe it's 'the feminist manifesto in nine paragraphs'. She fancies herself a Woman's Rights Activist. Her recent campaign includes: demanding a chore free day from Daddy  on her period, and wearing trousers to Sunday masses. You should have seen Fr Anthony's face last week. I thought he would have an apoplexy in the middle of the sermon. Jide, as always lives in forever hope that you will one day be his girlfriend. He believes he will one day wear down your resistance. Mother says what he lacks in looks, he makes up for in steadfastness.

So how did I fare?

Until we next time.

Chioma.

With a satisfied grin, she neatly folded the letter into an envelope. Looking up, Chioma realized that the sun had come up. The post office will soon be open, she thought before heading outside to feed the goats.

                                                                                  

Juliet is a student and an avid reader. In between lectures, she scribbles poems and stories on her notebook. She enjoys long walks by the park.